And so hear it is, the final BBC final of The Great British Bake Off. Let's all huddle together like penguins, and pretend it isn't happening, shall we? I like how the final always starts with a reminder as to why the finalists are rubbish.
Candice thinks that you can get toned from baking. I shall let this lunacy speak for itself.
Jane says that...
It's semi-finals week! LET'S GET READY TO CRUMBLE! It's time for some delightfully flaky patisserie bakes! BAKE OFF FACT: Mel & Sue's French art-house opening was paid for by an Arts Council grant.
The first crack in Selasi's cool finally arrives in the semi-final. Despite this, he still remains pretty damn cool.
BAKE OFF FACT: "Bashing out my ...
Aye! For sooth, my Lords and Ladies, do come! To the palest tent, where baking be done. For where stress, and pressure, and havoc wreak do cometh now, for Bake Off's Tudor week! Willing to bet Channel 4 have tuba money coming out of their ears...
THIS JUST IN: Next year's Bake Off to be hosted by Paul Hollywood and a second-hand tuba.
Wed 05 Oct 2016
So, Desserts week, which always feels like solid Bake Off ground to me, after the unexpected Botanical week. LET'S EAT SOME SUGAR! I can't remember a previous year where there's been quite so much coconut used; even though Rav's knocked out now, I imagine there's still a national shortage.
Surely that little fan is just for your own entertainment, T...
Botanical Week on Bake Off, or as it's also known, "wait, this must be Gardener's World - damn it! I've sat on the remote again." Botanical week?! Did we not have enough flours already? Eh?! Enough "flours"! Like "flowers", you see? No? I'll see myself out...
That was an extraordinary amount of time spent on Selasi's views of Paul's dress sense. Thou...
Another week, and it's time for some pastries... which is good news for me, as I basically consider them one of the major food groups at this point. I don't want to say I watch a lot of legal dramas but when I see the bakers banging rolling pins on the tables, I find myself naturally coming to order.
Always remember to fold your pastry like a book, ...
Another week of Bake Off, and it's something of a surprise. But then after this week's news, I suppose thing can only get BATTER! Eh?! Like better, but batter because of this week's theme... No? I'll see myself out. It's extraordinary that everybody in the tent appears to have agreed that Yorkshire puddings are way too bland on their own, and have thus...
Wed 07 Sep 2016
Bake Off time again - late this week, because I was cooking roast potatoes; see my instagram if you don't believe me. Anyway, to the Bread! Val's "it's just another week" argument is all very well, unless you very nearly got kicked out last week - then you may need to raise your game.
Not even five minutes in and Paul Hollywood's already in his eleme...
Another week, another Bake Off. This week it's biscuits, or as I like to think of it - "Seriously?! Biscuits before Bread?!"
Paul wants a cup of tea big enough to dunk all the biscuits in. At that moment, an intern was running around yelling "where's Mr Hollywood's bucket of tea?"
And Louise takes the first Bake Off disaster of the year. ...Con...
Slightly later than usual (I was travelling back from Ireland on Wednesday evening), we return to my annual summary of things I exclaimed/observed whilst watching the Bake Off. Please do share/retweet this - it's basically the only vaguely popular contribution I make to the internet! And so, we begin with Week 1: Cakes. It's back!
"I was about to gi...
Mon 04 Apr 2016
From my perspective, this year
has been about two things thus far: crushing celebrity deaths, and improvised
Anyone who either knows me or has
read around this website will know that my main focus for the last few years
has been on improvised comedy, and developing The Same Faces as a group and a
brand (whilst also doing my best to keep...
THIS ARTICLE CONTAINS MAJOR SPOILERS (and at least one daft joke)! Do NOT scroll down unless you've seen The Force Awakens. Also, I apologise for the shamelessly clickbaity headline. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
MAJOR SPOILER WARNING: Do not read this if you haven't seen The Force Awakens. Seriously, there's going to be so many spoilers in this post. No kidding, I literally write out the plot at one point, so I say again: DO NOT READ THIS IF YOU HAVEN'T SEEN THE MOVIE. Still here? Ok... you've been warned. Star Wars: The Force Awakens - Ret...
As we've learned from the internet, nothing unites people faster than having something to hate. As Yoda states, "...hate leads to the Dark side." The prequels are generally regarded as the weaker trilogy, and as such, are commonly derided by Star Wars fans, who often exhibit much glee in pointing out everything that's wrong with the series. The hate is ...
Things Tamal has learned: You tell Paul "It's just a basic icing", and he will look at you as though you've just slapped his Mum.
Ian's the first to commandeer an abandoned bench and use its proving drawer. Are they allowed to do land-grabs in the tent? It's not Risk; it's Bake Off!
Bit of gamesmanship from Tamal: "Do you remember that technical you...
Good to see Flora's learning from her past mistak... Oh, no, wait; she's gone mad on decorations again.
And back she goes to that freezer again.
Ian's ganache looks typically perfect.
Mary's seemingly surprised that she likes Nadiya's work, but Paul goes straight for the handshake.
Flora's problem seems to be that she goes for a showstopper duri...
So, Cream Horns... nope, can't think of any potential innuendos there...
Odd change of roles, as Paul calms Nadiya down, while Mel attempts to induce panic.
How much time does Ian have to burn that he can afford to faff around picking specific almonds?!
Ah! There's the innuendo - thanks Sue. #GivePaulTheHorn
How kind of Bake Off to answer my que...
Brace yourself for an assortment of "are you game for this?" jokes.
I was accused of having a thick top at school once - though it wasn't in such flattering terms...
What a surprise! - Ian's cooked game before. Actually surprising, however, is that he's about to feed Mary roadkill.
Note to self: the Victorians were surprisingly shallow about Pie a...
School boy error, Mat! Who hand-forms dough in a two hour challenge?
The only other time I've heard reference to Guinea Fowl is in Notting Hill - still couldn't point one out in a line up.
Flora's scared of waste - on a show where you bake an entire cake in order for two people to eat one slice of it.
Took six episodes to reach the first "soggy...
I’ve not been to the Edinburgh
Fringe since 2011 – a trip I funded by burning through the last £300 of my uni
savings, having just graduated that summer. The last few years have been a
financial struggle that have kept me away from one of my favourite places in
the world, but – finally – this year I was back!
For the first time, I didn’t go
Tamal's nicked some syringes from work again - when he leaves, the NHS will suddenly find some room in the budget that they can't explain.
But at least he knows how percentages work...
Paul is prowling; preparing to challenge Silverback Hollywood for dominance of the tent.
And Ian's pedestal begins to wobble...
Alvin says he remembers pita bread...
I wouldn't describe liquorice as a "subtle" flavour - I'd describe it as a "ruiner".
Ugne's the first person this year to attempt to get Mary drunk before the first bake's even finished. Not that it takes much persuasion, mind.
Mat asking bodybuilder Ugne about the quality of her wobble - if he mysteriously has two black eyes in the next round, don'...
Ooh err - sounds like Quick Breads at dawn for Nadiya & Mat.
Paul's on an efficiency drive this year, which is why he's having so many wordless interactions. Only speak when you can't say it with a look.
Alvin's pungent cheese is covered by sweeter smelling ingredients - this is known as "The Lynx Effect".
In fairness, Mary may well just sm...
Hollywood - stealing ideas from Berry since 2010.
"Ok, I'll call Mr Simpson from Maths after the show, Sandy. Can I get him on his home number?"
How surprising that Alvin's biscotti loaves are still wet, when he used liquid-filled fruit...
"I did have enough, but I ate one" is very much the Bake Off equivalent of "the dog ate my homework".
As I write this sentence, it is the day before Fox officially releases its Josh Trank-helmed reboot of the Fantastic Four. It has been a troubled production (to say the least), with rumours of heavy reshoots, "controversial" casting choices (ooh, they're young, aren't they?), and finally, a studio-imposed embargo on all reviews until earlier this evening....
This year, I shall be sharing my annual summaries of the Bake Off via my blog, so I can share it on twitter just as easily as Facebook. Plus, y'know, to drive traffic to my website, because I'm just that shameless. So... welcome back to "Things I Exclaimed At The Great British Bake Off". Task one sounds pretty simple, Madeir(a)
Body building & B...
This post contains spoilers about all six seasons of Community - though, y'know, it's not like I'm revealing a character death on Game of Thrones or anything... Binge-watching is relatively new to me. I've only done it with a few shows (that I'd never seen before - I can rewatch a DVD boxset quite easily, though). In the last few months, I've worked my...
Contains massive spoilers about the original Kingsman film, and wild conjecture about the sequel. It's always fun when a new movie is released of a familiar genre, but does something so original that it reinvents the concept in the process. Kingsman: The Secret Service did that this year. Matthew Vaughn created an incredible film (with a Jane Goldman ...
It is claimed that the blank page is the thing writers fear most; that starting a project is the most difficult part. That is - SPECTACULARLY - not my problem. As I sit typing this, I currently have many projects quite happily begun, but woefully unfinished. Many of them are quite good, as the artistry of that last sentence really ought to reveal. I regul...
Twas six nights before Christmas, and all through the circuit, Black Friday had come for comedians who work it. The gigs had been nasty and drunken, and mean from the office parties and lushes turned green. The comics did try and plough through though they may Nobody cared for the words they did say. A bad night it had been but they'd tried to be fun...
Thu 06 Nov 2014
POTENTIAL SPOILERS – Most of this
is conjecture, but it’s based on existing clues and rumours, so some of it
could turn out to be true.
Let me open this post by saying
that I love both Marvel and DC. My first exposure to superheroes was through
the Lois & Clark TV Show when I
was very young, and Dean Cain was the first iteration of Supe...
My thoughts on the first season of Marvel's Agents of SHIELD. WARNING! THIS POST CONTAINS MANY
MANY MAJOR SPOILERS FOR BOTH THE TV SHOW, AND THE MARVEL MOVIES.
In 2012, I went to see The Avengers (I still refuse to call it
by its stupid UK title), and was thoroughly enjoying it, right up until the
moment where Agent Coulson was shanked by...
THIS POST CONTAINS *MAJOR* SPOILERS – DO NOT
READ IF YOU HAVEN’T WATCHED THE HIMYM FINALE YET.
life, I have seen relatively few finale episodes for sitcoms. Those that I have
(Frasier, Friends, Scrubs, The Office, etc) have been fairly
typical in their desire to tie up all the loose threads, move the characters on
in their lives (...
Mon 20 Jan 2014
This weekend, I organised two
nights of Leicester Comedy Festival preview shows in Northampton. This included
the first full airing of my new show, Tom
Young’s Got Issues; I had mixed results... If you’re not a comedian, it’s
really difficult to explain to you all
the problems that writing and performing a new show presents, but here’s the
Tue 31 Dec 2013
A facebook friend shared this article with the caption “Well
this is awesome”, and because I’ve seen the argument more than once now, it
angered me more than it should’ve done. What follows the link, is the response
I sent in reply to my friend.
The Captain Kirk Problem; How Doctor Who Betrayed Matt Smith
I agree with so very little o...
Sun 29 Dec 2013
Ok, this will be a short one. Also, a very nerdy one. Really nerdy. So nerdy that I'm not even going to publicly share it, so if you've found it, you've done so on your own; well done you! The Time of the Doctor aired four days ago, and while I did really enjoy it (and even more so upon a second viewing), I did feel it was a bit rushed. This, combined wi...
Mon 23 Sep 2013
It’s that time
again. Today, I received my confirmation email from Dave’s Leicester Comedy
Festival, asking me to formally register my show for next year. That means I’ve
now got five months to put the new show together, and I’ll try to use this blog
to keep you up-to-date with how it’s going. Ahh, but where
Well, the first
Since I first
heard the song in June (2013, following Thicke’s appearance on the Graham
Norton show), I’ve been pondering the question “is it ok to like Blurred Lines?”
at least once a week. It’s an
interesting debate, forced into being by the video’s nudity content, and an unfortunate
interpretation of the lyrics; my general instinct throughout l...
Mon 12 Aug 2013
Last week, I had
one of the best compèring
gigs of my career. It was at my own monthly night in Northampton, which,
considering it’s August, had an unexpectedly full audience. I always try to do
new material at this gig – partially to spare my regular punters from hearing
repeats, and partially to force myself to write more. However, due to having
After months of
speculation, rumours, and pub-conversation, tonight, it was finally revealed
that Matt Smith will be handing over the TARDIS keys to Peter Capaldi.
reaction was surprise. He’d become the bookies’ odds-on favourite in the last
few days leading up to the announcement, and quite often, whoever receives this
Mon 08 Jul 2013
I have to confess, for most of my life, I haven’t been
Tennis’s biggest fan. Indeed, from the ages of around eight to fifteen, I
considered Wimbledon nothing more than an annoying reason for The Simpsons not
to be on at 6pm. A Brit was never going to win, so why should I be bothered?
Then, Andy Murray came along. For the first few years, I didn...
As I write this, the BBC and Steven Moffat’s search for the
next Doctor is in full swing, with multiple names swirling through the media
maelstrom, each as unlikely as the last.
So, I thought that if “unlikely” is the primary criteria,
perhaps I should get involved. Here are twelve actors (in no particular order) that
I think could make a great ...
Fri 21 Jun 2013
SPOILER ALERT - Contains
some MAJOR details from Man of Steel – you have been warned.
I should preface
this by saying that I am the biggest Superman fan I know. I am aware of others
(due to the wonder of the internet) who are considerably more involved than I
am, but within my circle of actual friends who I could meet in the pub, it’s
me. I’ve ...
Sun 16 Jun 2013
Spoiler Warning – though
the episode aired in 2008, so you’ve really got no excuse. I’ve said this
before, and I’ll say it again; “The Doctor’s Daughter” really is my favourite
episode of Doctor Who. And yet the
thing is, to some extent, this surprises even me.
There are plenty
of other episodes I like with better villains, better plots, bett...
Sun 16 Jun 2013
Thank you for coming to read my blog. I can tell you at this early stage, that a lot of the posts here will be incredibly nerdy - that's not an apology; I'm just laying out my intentions in advance. Basically, I wanted to have this blog so that when something riles me up to the extent that I must share my thoughts on it with the world (and I require mo...