Stand up comedian - improviser - writer
  • Things I Exclaimed At The Great British Bake Off - Week 3: Bread

    Wed 07 Sep 2016  ·  11:20PM
    Bake Off time again - late this week, because I was cooking roast potatoes; see my instagram if you don't believe me. Anyway, to the Bread!
    • Val's "it's just another week" argument is all very well, unless you very nearly got kicked out last week - then you may need to raise your game.
    • Not even five minutes in and Paul Hollywood's already in his element, mind-gaming everybody into thinking they doing the wrong thing... which, in fairness, they probably are.
    • Selasi is almost without a doubt the only Baker I have ever seen literally lying down on the job.
    • Note to self: "Silverback of Sourdough" would be an excellent name for a vegan punk band.
    • "It's spent a little too long in the oven" is an excellent Berry-euphemism for "ruined".
    • Summary of Paul's message to Candice: "actually cook your thing".
    • "We've never done anything like this on bake off before." Ooh, are we having a barbecue?
    • Genuinely delighted to learn that Dampfnudel is recognised by Google's speech recognition software!
    • Last year, I complained a lot about how the technical bakes had become ridiculously complicated. Cake week and biscuit week had got us back on par, but I think it's fair to say dampfnudel have taken us back the other way again.
    • Always encouraging when the technical challenge ends with Paul saying, "this one's the best, but still rubbish."
    • 3D bread centerpieces seem like a lot to ask of bakers who had almost entirely raw dough in the previous day's challenges.
    • "The problem with having a huge lump of dough for an elephant is you can't tell when it's cooked" - well, who hasn't had that problem?
    • Andrew's new range of woven bread-based helmets are coming soon to Halfords.
    • I've never seen anybody say "ta-da" in such a depressing tone before.
    • Dear Lord, Val, don't start listing things that you need to work on - we don't have that long left in the programme.
    • Irish Andrew, with the red hair, is wearing a green jumper. We then cut to Kate, who makes a reference to her Lucky Charm. Y'know what, Mr Editor, just calling him a leprechaun, and be done with it!
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