Stand up comedian - improviser - writer
  • Things I Exclaimed At The Great British Bake Off - Week 8: Tudor

    Wed 12 Oct 2016  ·  9:10PM
    Aye! For sooth, my Lords and Ladies, do come!
    To the palest tent, where baking be done.
    For where stress, and pressure, and havoc wreak
    do cometh now, for Bake Off's Tudor week!
    • Willing to bet Channel 4 have tuba money coming out of their ears...
    • THIS JUST IN: Next year's Bake Off to be hosted by Paul Hollywood and a second-hand tuba.
    • Andrew's decision to make thick pastry - based on his own personal preference - is no way to win at Bake Off. First thing Mary will say is "it's quite thick".
    • Candice wants to use a cheaper meat, and oyster's are the famously the meat of the people...
    • There are so few weeks on Bake Off where you get to include pigeon in the recipe.
    • "In my eyes, a pie should have a little bit of leakage," says Candice. Even money that's not what Paul says.
    • Andrew is such an engineer that he insists on measuring a diagram from Clip Art in order to get a clue as to how long his knots should be. Can't see anything going wrong there.
    • If it were up to me this week's showstopper would have a Shakespeare theme; create a bake based on something in one of the plays. Who wouldn't want to eat the severed hands from Titus Andronicus baked in a pie?
    • Mary: "You like a bit of alcohol in your bakes, don't you?"
      Selasi: "Yeah, I don't mind a bit of alcohol."
      Mary: "OMG! DID WE JUST BECOME BEST FRIENDS?"
    • OK, Andrew's just showing off with homemade oven-proof horse molds, now.
    • Six years of Bake Off, and Mel still can't tell the difference between marzipan and wood.
    • NOTE TO SELF: Peacocks are nature's own showstopper.
    • In fairness to Benjamina, when she applied, who knew they'd need a working knowledge of Tudor baking?
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