Stand up comedian - improviser - writer

Posts tagged with 'Great British Bake Off'

  • Things I Exclaimed At The Great British Bake Off - Week 10: The Final

    Thu 27 Oct 2016  ·  5:35PM

    And so hear it is, the final BBC final of The Great British Bake Off. Let's all huddle together like penguins, and pretend it isn't happening, shall we? I like how the final always starts with a reminder as to why the finalists are rubbish. Candice thinks that you can get toned from baking. I shall let this lunacy speak for itself. Jane says that...

  • Things I Exclaimed At The Great British Bake Off - Week 9: Patisserie

    Wed 19 Oct 2016  ·  9:17PM

    It's semi-finals week! LET'S GET READY TO CRUMBLE! It's time for some delightfully flaky patisserie bakes! BAKE OFF FACT: Mel & Sue's French art-house opening was paid for by an Arts Council grant. The first crack in Selasi's cool finally arrives in the semi-final. Despite this, he still remains pretty damn cool. BAKE OFF FACT: "Bashing out my ...

  • Things I Exclaimed At The Great British Bake Off - Week 8: Tudor

    Wed 12 Oct 2016  ·  9:10PM

    Aye! For sooth, my Lords and Ladies, do come! To the palest tent, where baking be done. For where stress, and pressure, and havoc wreak do cometh now, for Bake Off's Tudor week! Willing to bet Channel 4 have tuba money coming out of their ears... THIS JUST IN: Next year's Bake Off to be hosted by Paul Hollywood and a second-hand tuba. Andre...

  • Things I Exclaimed At The Great British Bake Off - Week 7: Desserts

    Wed 05 Oct 2016  ·  10:23PM

    So, Desserts week, which always feels like solid Bake Off ground to me, after the unexpected Botanical week. LET'S EAT SOME SUGAR! I can't remember a previous year where there's been quite so much coconut used; even though Rav's knocked out now, I imagine there's still a national shortage. Surely that little fan is just for your own entertainment, T...

  • Things I Exclaimed At The Great British Bake Off - Week 6: Botanical

    Thu 29 Sep 2016  ·  2:03AM

    Botanical Week on Bake Off, or as it's also known, "wait, this must be Gardener's World - damn it! I've sat on the remote again." Botanical week?! Did we not have enough flours already? Eh?! Enough "flours"! Like "flowers", you see? No? I'll see myself out... That was an extraordinary amount of time spent on Selasi's views of Paul's dress sense. Thou...

  • Things I Exclaimed At The Great British Bake Off - Week 5: Pastry

    Wed 21 Sep 2016  ·  9:23PM

    Another week, and it's time for some pastries... which is good news for me, as I basically consider them one of the major food groups at this point. I don't want to say I watch a lot of legal dramas but when I see the bakers banging rolling pins on the tables, I find myself naturally coming to order. Always remember to fold your pastry like a book, ...

  • Things I Exclaimed At The Great British Bake Off - Week 4: Batter

    Wed 14 Sep 2016  ·  9:32PM

    Another week of Bake Off, and it's something of a surprise. But then after this week's news, I suppose thing can only get BATTER! Eh?! Like better, but batter because of this week's theme... No? I'll see myself out. It's extraordinary that everybody in the tent appears to have agreed that Yorkshire puddings are way too bland on their own, and have thus...

  • Things I Exclaimed At The Great British Bake Off - Week 3: Bread

    Wed 07 Sep 2016  ·  11:20PM

    Bake Off time again - late this week, because I was cooking roast potatoes; see my instagram if you don't believe me. Anyway, to the Bread! Val's "it's just another week" argument is all very well, unless you very nearly got kicked out last week - then you may need to raise your game. Not even five minutes in and Paul Hollywood's already in his eleme...

  • Things I Exclaimed At The Great British Bake Off - Week 2: Biscuits

    Wed 31 Aug 2016  ·  9:58PM

    Another week, another Bake Off. This week it's biscuits, or as I like to think of it - "Seriously?! Biscuits before Bread?!" Paul wants a cup of tea big enough to dunk all the biscuits in. At that moment, an intern was running around yelling "where's Mr Hollywood's bucket of tea?" And Louise takes the first Bake Off disaster of the year. ...Con...

  • Things I Exclaimed At The Great British Bake Off - Week 1: Cakes

    Fri 26 Aug 2016  ·  5:07PM

    Slightly later than usual (I was travelling back from Ireland on Wednesday evening), we return to my annual summary of things I exclaimed/observed whilst watching the Bake Off. Please do share/retweet this - it's basically the only vaguely popular contribution I make to the internet! And so, we begin with Week 1: Cakes. It's back! "I was about to gi...

  • Things I Exclaimed At The Great British Bake Off - Week 10: The Final

    Thu 08 Oct 2015  ·  1:08AM

    Things Tamal has learned: You tell Paul "It's just a basic icing", and he will look at you as though you've just slapped his Mum. Ian's the first to commandeer an abandoned bench and use its proving drawer. Are they allowed to do land-grabs in the tent? It's not Risk; it's Bake Off! Bit of gamesmanship from Tamal: "Do you remember that technical you...

  • Things I Exclaimed At The Great British Bake Off - Week 9: Chocolate

    Wed 30 Sep 2015  ·  9:32PM

    Good to see Flora's learning from her past mistak... Oh, no, wait; she's gone mad on decorations again. And back she goes to that freezer again. Ian's ganache looks typically perfect. Mary's seemingly surprised that she likes Nadiya's work, but Paul goes straight for the handshake. Flora's problem seems to be that she goes for a showstopper duri...

  • Things I Exclaimed At The Great British Bake Off - Week 8: Patisserie

    Wed 23 Sep 2015  ·  9:09PM

    So, Cream Horns... nope, can't think of any potential innuendos there... Odd change of roles, as Paul calms Nadiya down, while Mel attempts to induce panic. How much time does Ian have to burn that he can afford to faff around picking specific almonds?! Ah! There's the innuendo - thanks Sue. #GivePaulTheHorn How kind of Bake Off to answer my que...

  • Things I Exclaimed At The Great British Bake Off - Week 7: Victorian

    Wed 16 Sep 2015  ·  9:34PM

    Brace yourself for an assortment of "are you game for this?" jokes. I was accused of having a thick top at school once - though it wasn't in such flattering terms... What a surprise! - Ian's cooked game before. Actually surprising, however, is that he's about to feed Mary roadkill. Note to self: the Victorians were surprisingly shallow about Pie a...

  • Things I Exclaimed At The Great British Bake Off - Week 6: Pastry

    Wed 09 Sep 2015  ·  9:14PM

    School boy error, Mat! Who hand-forms dough in a two hour challenge? The only other time I've heard reference to Guinea Fowl is in Notting Hill - still couldn't point one out in a line up. Flora's scared of waste - on a show where you bake an entire cake in order for two people to eat one slice of it. Took six episodes to reach the first "soggy...

  • Things I Exclaimed At The Great British Bake Off - Week 5: Free From...

    Wed 02 Sep 2015  ·  9:12PM

    Tamal's nicked some syringes from work again - when he leaves, the NHS will suddenly find some room in the budget that they can't explain. But at least he knows how percentages work... Paul is prowling; preparing to challenge Silverback Hollywood for dominance of the tent. And Ian's pedestal begins to wobble... Alvin says he remembers pita bread...

  • Things I Exclaimed At The Great British Bake Off - Week 4: Desserts

    Wed 26 Aug 2015  ·  9:12PM

    I wouldn't describe liquorice as a "subtle" flavour - I'd describe it as a "ruiner". Ugne's the first person this year to attempt to get Mary drunk before the first bake's even finished. Not that it takes much persuasion, mind. Mat asking bodybuilder Ugne about the quality of her wobble - if he mysteriously has two black eyes in the next round, don'...

  • Things I Exclaimed At The Great British Bake Off - Week 3: Bread

    Wed 19 Aug 2015  ·  9:40PM

    Ooh err - sounds like Quick Breads at dawn for Nadiya & Mat. Paul's on an efficiency drive this year, which is why he's having so many wordless interactions. Only speak when you can't say it with a look. Alvin's pungent cheese is covered by sweeter smelling ingredients - this is known as "The Lynx Effect". In fairness, Mary may well just sm...

  • Things I Exclaimed At The Great British Bake Off - Week 2: Biscuits

    Wed 12 Aug 2015  ·  9:45PM

    Hollywood - stealing ideas from Berry since 2010. "Ok, I'll call Mr Simpson from Maths after the show, Sandy. Can I get him on his home number?" How surprising that Alvin's biscotti loaves are still wet, when he used liquid-filled fruit... "I did have enough, but I ate one" is very much the Bake Off equivalent of "the dog ate my homework". Rose...

  • Things I Exclaimed At The Great British Bake Off - Week 1: Cakes

    Wed 05 Aug 2015  ·  9:17PM

    This year, I shall be sharing my annual summaries of the Bake Off via my blog, so I can share it on twitter just as easily as Facebook. Plus, y'know, to drive traffic to my website, because I'm just that shameless. So... welcome back to "Things I Exclaimed At The Great British Bake Off". Task one sounds pretty simple, Madeir(a) Body building & B...