Stand up comedian - improviser - writer
  • Things I Exclaimed At The Great British Bake Off - Week 2: Biscuits

    Wed 31 Aug 2016  ยท  9:58PM
      Another week, another Bake Off. This week it's biscuits, or as I like to think of it - "Seriously?! Biscuits before Bread?!"
      • Paul wants a cup of tea big enough to dunk all the biscuits in. At that moment, an intern was running around yelling "where's Mr Hollywood's bucket of tea?"
      • And Louise takes the first Bake Off disaster of the year. ...Congratulations?
      • When picking up biscuits from the floor, and wondering whether or not you can still serve them, it's probably a good moment to question whether or not your standards have dropped...
      • "Well, they're certainly different" is probably the biggest compliment Mary has ever given to something with spice in it.
      • Tom takes the first Hollywood Handshake of the year, at this surprisingly early stage!
      • The Viennese Whirl is the one that has no rise or fall in it. Who will attempt the Fleckle? Wait, I may have crossed the streams...
      • As a rule, Mel, the innuendo works better when you don't acknowledge it. #WarmHandsOnTheBag
      • You have to be impressed by the producers' continuing ability to come up with new ways of making 3D gingerbread objects interesting. Every year there's another one! It's almost as if there's not an awful lot of ways to make biscuits "showstopping"...
      • Could Mary shout "SOUNDS FUN!" any louder?
      • Can we all agree that the person who first came up with using boiled sweets to make stained glass windows in biscuits was either under the age of 10 and messing with the oven, or stoned off their face?
      • If you can name any event on television more tense than watching bakers assemble biscuit buildings, give yourself 10 points and a high five.
      • Andrew's punt appears to be taking on water.
      • "Santa's Workshop From Hell" sounds like something Syfy would commission around Christmas time.
      • Well done, Andrew; shamelessly laughing at the "can you hold my jugs" comment - voice of the people*! (*If by "people", you mean "14 year old boys")
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