Stand up comedian - improviser - writer
  • Things I Exclaimed At The Great British Bake Off - Week 10: The Final

    Thu 27 Oct 2016  ·  5:35PM
    And so hear it is, the final BBC final of The Great British Bake Off. Let's all huddle together like penguins, and pretend it isn't happening, shall we?
    • I like how the final always starts with a reminder as to why the finalists are rubbish.
    • Candice thinks that you can get toned from baking. I shall let this lunacy speak for itself.
    • Jane says that her pavlova will be red, white and blue, and Mary has a look on her face that says "oh, how lovely". Paul, however, yells "power to the people!" and runs out the tent, chanting.
    • "As it's a special occasion, this is Prosecco for my strawberries," says Candice. I know it can't be true, yet I feel like she's used Prosecco every week.
    • "My bottom's cracking," says the ever-modest Jane.
    • A Hollywood handshake in the final? That must be gutting for the other competitors.
    • And a second one?! OK, Andrew has just been emotionally shattered.
    • I hate to be critical of Mary's sample cake, but those sandwich layers are simply not even.
    • Candice cannot resist doing something extra! Raspberries around her Victoria sponge; who asked for that?
    • So all equal after the technical. If it all comes down to the showstopper, did we really need the first day of baking?
    • If Jane's daughter doesn't wind up with a day time chat show, something's gone wrong at Channel 4.
    • "If I didn't have a plan right now, I'd be flapping," says Andrew. We then cut to Jane... who is flapping.
    • Selasi's been on screen for less than 15 seconds, and I'm still hoping he wins...
    • I honestly don't know if I'd trust Mel and Sue to help carry my showstopper to the table in this final. Having said that, I suppose they'll never get to do it again...
    • I hate when the feedback makes you assume who's won.
    • It does appear to be traditional British picnic weather this year, so that seems appropriate. A grey cloud over the tent for the BBC's final bake off.
    • Balls... Selasi didn't win.
    • I would like to see a baking show with Howard, Nadiya, and Selasi now. BBC, get on it would you?
    • And so ends the Bake Off as we know it... It's been emotional.
    And so endeth the lesson. I don't know if I'll carry on with this when the show moves to Channel 4 next year. It'll depend on whether it feels like the same show, and if the quality remains. What I'm not looking forward to is, "find out who won the technical challenge, right after this break...". That's going to be incredibly tedious.
    For now though, I say a fond farewell to Mary, Mel and Sue, and best of luck to Paul. I look forward to what you all do next.

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